Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
