Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
