Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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