i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
