That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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