At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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