I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
