its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
