did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
