please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
