Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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