So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
