it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
3 2 1 whiskey
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
