A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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