I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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