it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girls should come with a carfax report
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
