i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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