girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
