before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish you could order shots online.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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