I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
