omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
