hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she looked like the before picture.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
