Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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