Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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