Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
