i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
