I'm so fucking centered right now
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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