toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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