FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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