Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
