why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
