He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
