Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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