The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
