Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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