Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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