Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
