i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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