How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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