I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
