she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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