she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
