PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
