Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
