it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
