So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
