if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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