She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
