One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
