Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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