I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
