Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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