If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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