he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
