Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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