D3 body, D1 cock
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
