My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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