Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
