Your dad touched me again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's official drugs can't kill me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
