I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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