did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
