Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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