well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
