She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
