have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
