Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
