New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
