Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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