I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
