Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
