I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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