quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
