dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
