you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
