Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
